Cold
by theatrekid02
Summary: An angsty oneshot where Will notices how Rachel is always cold. Schueberry. REVIEWS P/TY :)


~o0o~

She's always cold.

To clarify, not in a distant, harsh way. She's really the opposite of that. Literally, she's cold. She grabs his hand once, caught up in the middle of a passionate rant, and the only thing he can think is _man, her hand_ _is so cold_. Why would a person as energetic as Rachel Berry be cold?

Then he goes to think about how she's holding his hand, and then he can't help but link that to something he's not supposed to, and then he's forcing that thought out of his mind, _nope, nope, we're not going_ _there, not again._

Then he looks up again and she's done talking, she's standing there looking up at him expectantly and he has no idea what she just said.

"Well?" she demands.

He blinks. "W-what?"

She exhales a dramatic sigh. "You can't honestly think that Tina is better suited for that solo than I am!"

And those defiant brown eyes make him temporarily forget about cold hands and he finds himself drawn back into another one of her unnecessary arguments. And he realizes that he kind of likes them, and he doesn't know why.

~o0o~

It's his prep period and he's sitting at his desk grading papers when he hears the familiar splash of a slushie outside the door. Followed by a round of laughter and a very distinct squeal that he knows can only be her. Instantly, he's fired up. He takes two steps into the hall and the culprits disperse.

"Hey! That's a detention!" he shouts, as the bell rings and the jocks disappear around a corner.

She's standing beside him, drenched in the red ice and shivering. Also sniffling, about to cry, which makes him even madder. Will's never been biased with grading in his Spanish 2 class, but in this moment he looks forward to seeing their faces after he flunks them.

He motions toward his room with a sad smile. "C'mon. I'll get you some paper towels."

She nods stiffly and follows him. He's barely across the threshold when he hears her melodic voice finally break down.

"Everybody hates me!" she cries, muffled with her hands covering her face. He stops and turns around to touch her wet slushie-covered shoulder.

"Rach," he says softly, "stop. Look at me."

She drops her hands and looks up at him. Her breath is shaky as she tries to stop crying; it kills him to see her like this. He hesitates, then slowly brings his hand to her cheek. With his thumb, he gently wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, and he feels how cold her skin is. He wonders if it's from the slushie or if it was already like that. She's always cold, he's been noticing.

She sniffles again and shoots him a weak smile. He knows that he's crossing a line, but it just feels...right, this odd embrace.

"I'm sorry that things are bad for you right now," he says. "It's gonna get better. I promise."

He breaks away reluctantly and hands her the roll of paper towels. She begins scrubbing at her stained sweater, which was victim to the majority of the beverage.

"More likely than not, those boys are going to be stuck here in Lima for the rest of their lives," he continues. "They'll hear about you being a big star and they're gonna regret this, I know."

She tries to smile again. "I know."

Before he knows what's happening, she gingerly wraps her arms around his middle and hugs him. This takes him by surprise, he freezes.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue," she murmurs against his chest. He hesitantly settles his arms around her, careful not to hold her too tight. Even though he wants to.

He feels her cold little hands through the thin fabric of his shirt.

"A-anytime."

~o0o~

It's the night of their Christmas Showcase. Will is in a particularly good mood after watching his glee kids nail their songs, watching her. There's something different about her when she performs, he can't quite put his finger on it. There's a...glow, of some sort. It mesmerizes him.

Mostly everyone has filtered out of the school when he leaves, he had to stay behind to finish some paperwork he'd forgotten to do. He steps out into the empty parking lot and takes a deep breath of the crisp air. It's snowing quite heavily now, which isn't surprising in the least, living in Ohio.

Then he sees her.

He thinks it must be his imagination at first, but no, there she is. She's standing outside of her car, the hood up, staring at it with obviously no idea what to do.

"Rachel!" he calls, walking over. She looks up and sees him.

"My car won't start, I don't know what's wrong with it!" she exclaims.

He leans into the driver's side and tries the key ignition a couple of times. Then he looks into the open hood and shakes his head. "Looks like your engine's shot."

She groans. "My dads are going to kill me!"

"Are they picking you up, or do you need a ride home?" he asks. Her eyebrows furrow.

"Uh...they're actually out of town," she admits. "Would you mind giving me a ride?"

"Of course not," he tells her.

She giggles a little, making an icy puff of breath in the air. "Do I have to sit in the backseat again?"

"Not if you're gonna try and seduce me again," he answers jokingly. They both laugh at this, however Will is thankful that she doesn't continue talking about it. He doesn't like thinking about that particular week, namely because it makes him think about some particular feelings he tries to forget.

They get into his car. He notices her shivering and he turns up the hot air. "How long were you out there?" he asks. "You must be freezing." He debates mentioning that she always seems cold, but decides against it.

"I am," she answers. "I don't know, maybe fifteen minutes. That car is older than me, it was my daddy's old work car before he got a new one."

"Oh."

He pulls out of the parking lot. "So, uh...how have you been doing lately, Rach?"

"Why do you ask that?"

He side-glances at her, his lips pressed together. "Well, uh...I heard about Finn, I'm just worried about you."

She sighs. "I'm fine. It's my fault, really, I was just being so petty about him sleeping with Santana-"

"He slept with Santana?"

"Yes," she mutters. "But we weren't dating then, he just lied to me is all. So I was stupid and I tried to get back at him by kissing Noah, and that really hurt him. I'm such a bitch."

"Don't say that," he protests. "Everybody makes mistakes. And you are definitely not a bitch. I'll admit, you can be a little self-righteous at times, but..."

She looks at him with intrusive eyes. "But what?"

He bites his lip, unsure whether to tell her or not. Then he smiles a little and gives in. "You are one of the most caring people I've ever met."

She gives him a questionable look. "I'm being honest, Rach," he continues, "you put your 100% into everything, you always make sure that everyone's at their best, you help all that you can if they aren't. You have drive, passion. That's what I love about you, Rachel. Sometimes...it seems like nobody cares except you."

He feels his face flush, realizing that he just said 'love'. Mentally scolding himself, he sees her smiling bashfully.

"Thanks. I...I've never been told that before," she says quietly.

He pulls up into her driveway and looks over at her with a kind smile, slowly exhaling to calm his nerves. "Well, now you have."

His right arm is rested on the console. She reaches over and squeezes his hand before she opens the door and disappears into the falling snow.

He drives away, though he doesn't want to, and he can still feel the cold of her hand tingling on his fingers.

~o0o~

"Good job out there tonight."

Rachel glances up for a moment to see who it is, and then she looks back to the vacant field. "Thanks," she mumbles.

Will takes a seat beside her on the bleachers. "What are you still doing out here?" he asks softly.

"Just thinking." She rests her chin on the palm of her hand. He watches her gloomy eyes look wistfully into the distance. He knows this face. It's how she looks when she's trying not to cry.

He grimaces, knowing this. "Do...you want to talk about it?" he dares to ask.

Rachel says nothing; only brings her knees up and leans her head against them, looks up at him like she doesn't know what to say. She looks young like this, she looks very seventeen, and it makes him feel like he shouldn't be here alone with her.

"Can I ask you a question?" she finally says.

"Of course, Rach," he replies, maybe a little too quickly.

"Do you remember," she slowly starts, "when you drove me home after our Christmas concert? What you told me?"

He gives her a capable smile. "That you're one of the most caring people I've ever met? Because that's true, Rachel."

She looks at him thoughtfully for a moment. "If it's true...why are you the only one that thinks that?"

There's a pause. "Is this about Finn?"

Her expression wavers when she looks into his eyes. "I just saw him kissing her. Quinn."

Will feels his jaw drop. He cannot believe it. As much as he looks at Finn like his own little brother, he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for doing this to her. What an incredibly stupid thing to do!

"Wha-"

"Why would he do that?" she chokes out, tears finally spilling over the brims of her eyes. "Why would he get rid of me only to take her back, after everything she put him through?"

Will's jaw clenches as he shakes his head disappointedly. "Rachel..." he starts, deflated, "I- ugh. Boys are stupid. We don't see the good in front of us until it's gone, you know." He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair that sticks to her wet cheek behind her ear.

"But I've _been_ gone!" she argues. Rachel wipes her weary eyes with a sweatshirt sleeve and sniffles.

"When Tina got hurt today," she whispers, "I wished it was me. So he'd notice me, take me for granted. Now I'm starting to think that even if I died he wouldn't care."

"Don't say that, Rach," Will tries. "Finn is in high school. He only understands qualities that are skin-deep. That's why he can't see what I see."

"You're just trying to make me feel better," she falters.

"I'm just telling you the truth."

She keeps her head lowered, but glances at him out of the corner of her eye. "Why do you do this?" she quietly asks.

"What?"

"You know."

He does know what she means. And he doesn't even want to admit to himself why, let alone her. So he keeps his mouth shut. Rachel stands, wrapping her arms inside of the oversized sweatshirt. "I'm going inside," she says. "It's getting cold out here."

He chuckles at this, and she doesn't know why.

~o0o~

The bell rings. The glee kids grab their belongings and filter out of the door, talking with each other about what they'll be singing for the week's assignment, 'Love Songs'. Will notices Rachel being particularly quiet.

"Rachel," he says. She stops. "Do you know what song you're doing for the assignment?"

Rachel shakes her head. "I guess I'm not really in a Valentine's Day mood this year, Mr. Schue."

Will nods, understanding what she means. He really feels bad for her. He was in the hallway this morning when Finn and Quinn started kissing at his 'Kiss The Quarterback' booth. And he saw Rachel watching. He doesn't necessarily want to make her sing a song about love at a time like this.

"Well you know what? How about we ditch the assignment then," he suggests. A small smile spreads across her face.

"What do you mean?" she asks. He walks over to the filing cabinet and pulls out a stack of manilla folders, plopping them down onto the piano with a loud thud.

"We can find you a different kind of song," he says. "Something...empowering, maybe."

Rachel nods quickly. "I'd really appreciate that, Mr. Schue."

They sit together on the piano bench for a long time, poring over song after song. Will finds himself not being able to focus, he just keeps thinking about the spark she has, how dimmed it's been lately. It makes him so happy to see it again. And then he realizes how close she's sitting to him and he starts to feel conscious of it.

"Mr. Schue?" she says, snapping him back into reality.

"Huh?" He says this too softly, as if being any louder would make her realize how they're sitting and she'd move away. Rachel senses that something off, but she doesn't think any of it. Instead she gives him a warm smile and pats his hand gratefully. He notices how hers is cold, again.

"Thanks," is all she says.

And then before he knows it, she's gone.

Rachel ends up singing 'Firework' by Katy Perry the next day. Will sits behind all of his students in the auditorium while she sings. She has that look in her eye again, she has the passion in her voice. He's kind of jealous, he finds, that he's sharing such a seemingly-intimate moment with the others. To them, it's just another song she sings. To him, it's a little victory over the past few months. It's manilla folders and piano keys, snowy car rides and syrupy-smelling ice. Cold hands.

They don't have a clue; neither does she.

~o0o~

"Rachel?"

She sits on the concrete stoop in front of Puck's house, her face buried in her knees while she openly sobs. He takes a seat beside her and rests his hand on her back soothingly.

"Aren't you gonna yell at me?" she slurs.

"No," he whispers. "I just want to know why."

It's three in the morning. After the whole 'Tik-Tok incident', he told the glee club that they could always call on him if they needed to, no matter where they were or what time it was. And here she is.

She doesn't respond to him. "Rachel, I thought you out of everybody in the club would be the one to be abstinent."

"Well I would be," she retorts, "if it wasn't for _you_!"

Will is alarmed. "Don't act like you don't know!" she bellows. "Stop it! Stop making me love you!"

His eyes widen. He certainly did not expect to hear that come out of her mouth. He doesn't know what to think.

"I thought after you rejected me, I thought I could get over it." She hiccups loudly. "I said I have to be with Finn, y'know? But then he had to go 'n have sex with Santana, and then he dumped me! Then he made that stupid kissing booth just to put it in my face to kiss all the girls except me! Just to be mean, that was so mean! That was such a mean thing to do, Finn!" she sobs.

Will silently puts his arm around her and he lets her cry against his shoulder. What does this have to do with him? She can't possibly _love_ him...can she?

"And then you're here!" she says through her tears. "You let me hug you when I was all wet and you drive me home and tell me that you actually _love_ something about me, that you worry about me! And then I call you at three in the morning and you come, and nobody...nobody gives a _shit_ about me, so how'm I just supposed to not love you for that? You're so good! You don't even know it, you're such a good guy! I don't-, I can't-...argh, stop doing stuff like that!"

"Rachel-"

" _That's_ why I'm here!" she interrupts, looking at him straight in the face. He watches with immense concern as she sits there; eyes swollen, hair disheveled, everything about her just...trembling. Or maybe she's shivering.

He slips off his jacket without a word and wraps it around her bare shoulders. She stops. "Did you really think I'd come to one of Noah's parties for fun?" she asks.

"Rach, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying," he tells her. He's really only telling himself.

"Who," she whispers, "ever said I was drunk?"

They just sit there looking at each other for awhile. He tries to read every inch of her face, and then he gives up with a defeated sigh. "Sweetheart," he attempts, "you know I'm... I can't..."

"I know."

Will wipes his face miserably and stands up from the stoop. "Let me just...let me take you home," he says.

He extends his hand out and she grabs it to get up. Her little cold hand seems familiar now in his warm, calloused one. He wants to hold on to it forever.

~o0o~

Everyone has left the auditorium except for her.

When he walks back in to retrieve a forgotten clipboard, he sees her sitting alone on the edge of the stage. Of course. He prays that she's not too upset this time.

"Hey," he says, breaking the silence. She turns her head at the sound of his voice. "What are you still doing here?"

She looks back down at her lap. "I...I don't know."

He wrinkles his eyebrows. "I thought everybody went out to a celebratory dinner at Breadstix. You're our MVP, why wouldn't you go?"

She shrugs her shoulders without making eye contact. "I guess I didn't feel like celebrating."

He suppresses a sigh, and hesitates for only a second before he picks up her hand and holds it against his. It's still cold and familiar. Why does she do this to him?

"You haven't been acting like yourself lately," he relents. "I'm really worried about you, Rach."

"Then stop," she says bluntly. "It would be doing us both a favor."

He shakes his head. "What you told me last month, Rachel, don't beat yourself up about it. We can both put it behind us."

She looks at him fiercely. "Isn't it obvious that I can't? I try so hard to tell myself that I'm over it, but then you come and...you go and pull this shit like telling me you're worried about me, and all of that effort just disintegrates. And it's my own damn fault, too! Why do I have such self-destructive tendencies, why do I only want what I can't have? God, what's _wrong_ with me?"

Her voice cracks when she says this, and he hates that. _Please don't start crying_ , he silently pleads. He tries to look into her eyes, but she keeps them down.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Rachel," he protests. "And you're not alone in this, you know. This kills me just as much as you."

This makes her look up suddenly, as if she didn't already know. _How couldn't she already know?_ he wonders.

He runs the pad of his thumb over her slender knuckles comfortingly. "What about Finn? You wrote the song about him," he says.

She looks at him solemnly. "Did I?"

Either of them don't say anything for a long moment. Rachel leans her head against his shoulder as silent tears spill over her eyes, and Will grips her cold hand tightly in his own. He presses his lips to her hair, which makes her cry even more.

"Please don't cry," he murmurs. "It's going to be okay, for both of us. I promise."

"No it's not."

She's right, he knows it. There's no coming back from this. There's no getting over her.

"Rachel, look at me," he says, hoarse from the lump in his throat. She looks up into his face, her sad brown eyes shimmering. "Screw the rules."

Her lips are hot.

~o0o~


End file.
